Worst human resource moment ever!

A few years ago, I needed to fill an open position on my team. We went through the standard hiring process, selected a candidate we felt would work well with the team, and offered him the position. This was a genuinely nice kid with a great attitude, and we were ready to give him every tool and every bit of support he needed to succeed. Unfortunately, he didn’t. The details don’t really matter. What happened next is what genuinely surprised me.

During the new team member’s six-month evaluation period, I became convinced that this person was unfortunately not going to work out. So, as was policy, I contacted HR and informed them that I would not be offering a full-time position when the evaluation period ended. After a few questions they supported my decision, a date was set to inform the employee, and they requested that an HR representative be present for the termination.

The day arrived. I set up a quiet space in the conference room and waited for the HR representative. When she arrived, we discussed how the meeting would go. I made it clear that I wanted to be the one to drive the conversation. This was my team member. I selected him. I worked with him. I should be the one to deliver the news. The HR representative agreed, and we went to find him.

My intention was to be honest, yet positive. Discuss the strengths and weaknesses I had observed during the evaluation. Acknowledge what I genuinely liked about him, then deliver the difficult news while remaining supportive and offering my help in whatever came next. That was the plan.

The plan did not survive the first thirty seconds.

I asked him to join me in the conference room, where he immediately noticed the HR representative sitting there. Already uncomfortable, but the plan was still intact. Until the HR representative stood up, patted him on the back, and said “I am so sorry about this. I am here to help you through this.”

What the…?!?

Why? Why would you do that? We had discussed exactly how I wanted this to go. Supportive, encouraging, delivering difficult news gently while offering a hand toward whatever came next. But now he knew. Before I opened my mouth, he knew. I watched his entire demeanor change, his shoulders drop, his heart sink. And it is very hard to bring someone back from that place once they’ve gone there.

This was a good person who was offered and accepted a job he wasn’t quite prepared for. That’s not entirely on him. I should have identified those gaps earlier, and I didn’t. That’s on me. And now, before he even sat down, someone had already delivered the verdict without the humanity I had intended to wrap around it. No emotional intelligence. No humility. No compassion. Just “Sorry kid, your boss is going to fire you now.”

We finished the meeting. It was not the outcome I had wanted for him, and he deserved better. Here’s what I took away from that day. HR departments exist for a reason, and I respect that. But process without emotional intelligence is just procedure. And nobody, regardless of the circumstances, should ever leave a room feeling like less of a person than when they walked in. That’s not policy. That’s just basic human decency. And in my opinion, it’s also the difference between a manager who follows protocol and a leader who understands that how you treat people, on their worst days, says everything about who you are.